American’s are NOT STUPID

Chlor-Mint (In Bengali)

Sprite parody of Mountain Dew

The Lazy Hubby

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway?
It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”

To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine,” she says, “Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”

“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!”

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours.

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. “Honey, how’d this all get fixed?”

She said, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake.”

He said, “So, what kind of cake did you bake him?”

She replied, “Hellooooo… Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”

Heart Touching…

I was a just-born and she was Twenty-Five,
Though we were we, we were one.
I would cry out in Latin and she would respond in Greek,
I would learn nothing but she never got tired to teach.

I was surrounded by monsters eager to pull my cheek,
but they would vanish the moment I was wet and weep.
She would come running and hold me in her arms,
as if I had won the contest of the charms.

Now I was able to walk and chew,
and hey, I was two.
I and she could now understand each other,
I was her everything and she needed no other.

I would try to walk and fall down,
But knowing she was with me,

the fear of getting hurt was now gone.
We still could not converse that effectively,
But she would understand my needs so easily.

I could now roam about free,
because now I have turned three.
I was ready to join a new world,
my academic life was now gonna mould.

She would dress me as best as a prince,
but when I would come back,

she would need at least an hour to rinse.
I was now able to talk,
I was a ferry and she was my dock.

I still remember the child, whose shirt I had tore,
Hey buddy, I have turned four.
I now came home a little late,
Nevertheless finding her waiting at the gate.
She would hug me and carry me in her arms,
it felt like flying through the farms.
We now did the homework together,
I would spoil the home and she used to work.

Years passed and now I was fifteen,

and with each year I would forget to lean.
I wouldn't care for what she said,

because now I had become mean.
She would ask me to study for a good future,
but I was busy in a different culture.
Now I had many shes in my life,
I dreamed of having one of them as my wife.

I changed a lot which she did not teach,
She would try to hug me but I was out of reach.
She still waited for me at the gate,
but I would look at her with utmost hate.
She would be awake till late in the night,
because I wasn't home, I was in a fight.
She had so much to scold, but she never did say,
hoping to find me better the next day.
Time went on and now I am grown,
lost in the world of my own.

I and she, between us have a river,
I have left her for my career.
When I was young, for me, she sacrificed her ambitions,
but I don't care, I now have my own mission.
I am not with her now, I am in a different city,
she is so old now but I don't even pity.

She needs me now but I am nowhere to find,
in the race for appraisal, I have become blind.
In a few years from now, I will be two,
there will be in my life someone new.
Then I'll forget even to bother,
I am her son and she is my Mother.

Aisa apna husband ho

Aisa apna husband ho
6′ – 6′2″ jiski height ho
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho
apni baaton se karta excite ho
Wo dashing smart aur polite ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho.

Uski apni ek website ho
Network uska world-wide ho
Swiss bank mein account 26 – 27 ho
Jab shopping kar ke aoon, bole begum tum kitni nice ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho

Uff tak na kare, itna quiet ho
Jalaa khana khakar bhi, usey mujhpe pride ho
Mere har nakhre uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho
Apne friends ke saamne kahe, tum perfect bride ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho.

Dinner banaye wo, jab bhi romantic night ho
Hamesha wo haar maan jaye, jab bhi koi fight ho
Saas sasur ke samne kahe, jaan tum hamesha right ho
Mujhe rani bana kar rakhe, to phir zindagi delight ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho.

Bindaas apni mann ki karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho
Har doosre week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho
Aisa ho jaye to main udoon aasmaan mei, jaise ke koi kite ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho!

Kaash yeh concept .001 percent bhi right ho,
Agar Aisa apna Husband ho,
to kya haseen life ho.

How to beat spyware & viruses

Here’s what to do if you suspect an infection on your Windows PC. (Please note these steps apply to both Windows XP & Vista.)

1) Are you sure it’s spyware or a virus? Windows pop-ups and alerts can often seem invasive enough to be viruses, especially with Vista. Try searching the web for the exact text you see on the screen to make sure you aren’t dealing with an aggressive Windows message. (Many of these can be turned off, so try whatever instructions you find.) On the other hand, some viruses masquerade as Windows alerts, so tread lightly.

2) Boot in safe mode. If you have a virus, first step is to try booting in safe mode. You can get to safe mode (a simplified version of Windows that disables a lot of extra gunk, possibly including some spyware apps) by restarting your PC and tapping F8 during boot. Soon you’ll get a menu of options. Select “Safe Mode” (it’s at the top of the menu) and wait for the machine to fully boot. The system will look funny (with a black background and larger icons, probably), but don’t worry about it. This is only temporary. (Also note that many spyware applications can disable safe mode, so if you find this doesn’t work, just boot normally.)

3) Run your antivirus application. This is of course assuming you have an antivirus application. (Need one? Check here.) You’re in safe mode now, so run a full scan of your PC at maximum security levels (include the option to scan within compressed files, for example). This will probably take an hour or more, so be patient. Fix any problems the virus scan turns up. Then reboot into safe mode again using the procedure in step 2.

4) Run one or two anti-spyware applications. I used to recommend running multiple anti-spyware apps, but virtually all antivirus apps now do a pretty good job at getting rid of spyware too, so you don’t need an army of additional applications just for spyware. Also, I now recommend starting with AdAware (which is free) and moving on to Spyware Doctor (free as part of the Google Pack) if you feel you need additional help. (Please note that recent versions of Spyware Doctor and Norton Antivirus have some trouble with each other.) You can try other apps too, but the once-recommended SpyBot Search & Destroy is no longer very effective, sadly. (Neither is Microsoft’s own Windows Defender.) Of course, fix anything and everything these apps find.

5) Reboot normally. (Not in safe mode.) Now take stock. Still got spyware? It’s time to move along to my more advanced techniques for removing the nasties.

6) Run HijackThis. HijackThis is a free software tool that scans your computer to find malware that other apps might miss. Scroll down to “Official downloads” to download the tool. Next, simply open the ZIP file you downloaded, extract the application, and run the tool (you don’t need to install it). Click the “Do a system scan and save a logfile” button. You’ll receive a large text file as well as a dialog box which gives you a list of active software processes, which you can then choose to delete. Unfortunately, this list includes both helpful and unhelpful software, so don’t just start deleting items. Continue in step 7 to figure out how to fix your spyware infection.

7) Post your log file online. Visit this page, which offers a list of forums staffed by volunteers who can help you interpret your HijackThis log. The SWI Forums are especially busy, but most of the forums on the list are equally apt. Go to SWI and visit the “Malware Removal” forum which has over 50,000 topics listed: Those are all people like you who are seeking help getting rid of spyware. Register for an account, read the FAQ, then visit that Malware Removal forum, and post a new topic. Paste the content of the text file you created in step 5 into this topic and (politely) ask for help. You will get a response from a volunteer helper, typically within 3 days. You’ll be given specific advice on what entries to remove with the HijackThis tool, and you might be pointed to additional software to run to help remove common spyware infections. Follow all the instructions and keep working with the forum helpers until either you or they give up. (And no, don’t send your log file to me or post it here. I am not nearly the spyware removal expert that these guys are.)

7a) Alternately: Paste your log file into an automated tool. Don’t have three days? Try simply pasting your HijackThis log file into this form. It does a pretty good job at auto-analyzing what’s wrong with your machine, with no waiting. As well, if that doesn’t work, you can search for the items you find in the HijackThis log by name to see what they are and how to remove them, if they’re spyware. This can be quite time consuming, though.

Try System Restore. If that doesn’t work, you might try running Windows System Restore to roll back your OS to a time before the infection happened. This isn’t foolproof: You might not have System Restore turned on, or the spyware might have shut System Restore off, as well. But it’s worth a shot. With either XP or Vista, System Restore can be found under Start > All Programs > Accessories > System Tools > System Restore.

9) Give up and wipe your hard drive. At this point, you’ve exhausted all the options I know of. You might try again at steps 6/7 to make sure you’ve done everything you can to salvage the PC. Forum helpers will often work with you for weeks to help fight a spyware infection, but there are tens of thousands of possible variants out there, with new ones cropping up every day. It’s just not possible to clean them all, every time.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is call it quits, reformat your hard drive, and reinstall your OS. Again, make sure you have your backups ready and verified. Once you’re up and running, reinstall your antivirus and anti-spyware applications, and stay vigilant against infection. Good luck.

Richard Branson dupes entire wireless industry with Google on Mars gag

I had posted about this spoof yesterday itself and now here is the actual story that happened from the Register.

CTIA Wireless: Speaking this morning (Tuesday) at the CTIA Wireless trade show in Las Vegas, Sir Richard Branson told several hundred mobile industry insiders that he and Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin will soon fly a solar-powered Noah’s Ark to Mars.

And they believed him.

“I’m sure all of you here know Google. Google and Virgin have got together, and we’ve formed a new company called Virgle,” Branson said, midway through his CTIA keynote. “Larry and Sergey put a considerable amount of investment in – and I put in a slightly lesser investment. The values of our companies are slightly different.

“Basically, what we’re doing is building a giant Noah’s Ark, a space ship that is powered by the sun, and it will carry 30 passengers.”

No one laughed. So Sir Richard kept going. —-> FULL STORY

Marriage Development Life Cycle (MDLC)

How to get a nice wife!!! – Guide for all the bachelors & advice for all the married people:

There are times in a person’s life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are:
a. What sort of a girl do I marry?
b. Will she adjust in my family?
c. How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?
d. When should I get married?
e. This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake? So on & so forth.

I will try to address these & many more questions in the following sections.

The Nine Rules of Arranged Marriage

Rule 1 – Magic No. 26, 27, 28
In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23-24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs.

Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl’s to get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, “I will marry when I settle down”.

Rule 2 – Subset of Marriage-able Girls
At times you hear statements like, “I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then”. Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed.

From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & numbers of marriage-able girls are fixed.

Rule 3 – Competition for Girls
Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, has done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai. So, set your expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 – Understanding Girls
You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, it’s difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I know people who are still trying to understand their wife. .. Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/friends & latest technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 – Society Expectation
The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can’t meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 – Marriage Between Equals
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl’s family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/religion plays a major role. It’s important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 – Know Yourself
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it’s very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, “Opposite attract”, while they also say, “Bird of same feather flock together”. So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl , but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection . Don’t forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 – Girl’s Beauty
A girl’s looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb. It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy, & comfort level. Similarly, a girl’s looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on in life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to advise you a lot better on this topic.

Rule 9 – Taking Advice
As I have mentioned in the next rule, it’s very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don’t do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers . Secondly, in such important matters it’s necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others’ advice, but don’t forget to take their advice.

Rule 10 – Own Decision
All said & done, it’s your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don’t marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don’t work out & you end up saying, “It’s because of my friends or my parents that I married you”, then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That’s when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marry the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?
From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:

A. Definition Phase
Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

B. Lead Generation Phase
Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting bio-datas at one go. Remember the Rule 2
here.

C. Short Listing Phase
Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting bio-datas.

The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:
1. The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/herself.
2. Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, & horoscope.
3. The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information.
4. The receiver sends similar information.
5. If the bio-data is selected, it is passed over to the next phase.

D. Casual Interaction Phase
Based on short listing, about 07-10 bio-datas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10-15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/chat.

E. Family Interaction Phase
Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

F. Dating Phase
Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

G. The D-day Phase
Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue , “Never do anything to others that you don’t like for yourself?

Via: Shijo Joseph Chiramattel

Google’s April Fool

The way Google makes you a fool